The Heart I Tried to Hide

During one of the hardest seasons of my life after the death of my mother, I found myself standing in a place emotionally and spiritually that I had spent years trying to avoid. Grief has a way of uncovering things you did not even realize were hidden inside of you. I had spent so much of my life helping others, serving, moving forward, and doing what needed to be done that I never stopped long enough to ask myself a very important question.

Who was I really underneath everything everyone else saw?

I think many people live this way. We learn how to protect our hearts. We learn how to hide pain, disappointment, insecurity, fear, rejection, and shame behind smiles, strength, success, ministry, busyness, or constantly taking care of everyone else. Eventually we become so good at hiding the real us that we begin believing the version of ourselves we let the world see.

I remember one moment so clearly. My brother flipped down the mirror on the visor in my car and asked me, “When you look in the mirror, what do you see?” Without even thinking I flipped the mirror back up and through tears said, “I never want to look in there.”

That moment changed something in me because I realized I had never truly looked at the real me. Deep inside I felt unloved, unacceptable, and unworthy. I had hidden my heart for so long that I no longer knew how to live fully open before God, others, or even myself.

But it was also the place where God began to encounter me in a deeper way than ever before. Not with condemnation. Not with shame. But with perfect love.

God began teaching me that He did not see me the way I saw myself. He did not define me by my wounds, failures, fears, or broken places. He saw me through the eyes of a loving Father who fully accepted me, healed me, refined me, and restored me.

One of the scriptures that became so powerful to me during that season was Hebrews 11:11 where it says Sarah “considered Him faithful.” That phrase stayed with me because healing began when I stopped focusing on everything that felt broken in me and started considering God faithful instead.

Faithful enough to heal what I had hidden.
Faithful enough to restore what had been wounded.
Faithful enough to love the real me.

I believe there are many people right now carrying hidden places in their hearts they have never fully opened before the Lord. Places they avoid. Places they protect. Places they fear are too broken, too messy, or too painful. But those hidden places are often the exact places where God wants to reveal His healing and freedom the most.

That is really what this new blog post is about. It is called The Heart I Tried to Hide. (Click the Link to get your copy) I want to invite you to go read it because I believe many people will see themselves somewhere inside this story.

But I also want to invite you to go even deeper than the blog post.

The Hand I Didn’t Want to Show study was created for people who are ready to stop hiding and begin allowing God to heal the deeper places of their hearts. This is not about surface level Christianity or pretending everything is fine. This is about learning how to live fully seen, fully known, and fully loved by the Father. Get Your Copy Here

If you are tired of hiding behind strength, performance, fear, shame, or the version of yourself you created for everyone else to see, I want to encourage you to take this journey with me.

Because the places you are most afraid to uncover before God may become the very places where His love transforms you the most.